Blood Red Passion, Blood Red Awakening
by tinylexie
Summary: Darken Rahl's thoughts towards Kahlan in "Conversion" as he also defends his actions.


I've know since the time that I was in the Seeker's head

That he is obsessed with you, Kahlan.

He can think of nothing else but you.

How can a man's thoughts be so consumed by one woman?

I've always considered love something to be avoided.

Love makes a person weak.

Love keeps a person from doing what is necessary.

Look what happens to a person when you Confess them, Kahlan.

They are no longer themselves.

Their minds are completely destroyed,

By love of all things.

A Confessed person, a love slave, is better off dead.

Love is definitely something to avoid.

Love makes a person an empty void.

Despite all this, though,

The Seeker is still obsessed with you, Kahlan.

He loves you,

And you love him.

It was your love, Kahlan,

That stopped the Seeker

From revealing to me

The location of the last box of Orden.

I would have already won this war

If not for you, Kahlan.

Love is definitely a destructive force.

It is the power of love

That is getting in my way,

That is keeping me from my goal.

Love is taking control away from me,

So I will use love to take back control.

I will force people to love me,

Just like you force people to love you, Kahlan.

Perhaps I should not have mocked you and the Seeker,

But the Seeker has been haunting my dreams

And my every waking moment

Since he has been named.

What's wrong with a little payback?

As a Confessor, Kahlan,

You can understand the need for justice.

The Seeker desires my death

Just because some prophecy says that I am evil.

I have just as much right to live my life in peace, Kahlan,

As everyone else does.

I do what is necessary to ensure my survival,

No more, no less.

I just want to be able to live,

And the power of Confession will allow me to do that.

You use your power in battle, Kahlan,

To save your life.

Don't you see that I'm trying to do the same thing?

This is a battle between the Seeker and I,

And I will fight for my life.

The Seeker has killed many people,

As you have, Kahlan.

You have both killed to live.

I have done the same.

What makes both of you so good,

And what makes me so evil?

Some people really have a narrow-minded way

Of looking at the world.

The Seeker has ruined my life

In more ways

Than you could ever hope to understand, Kahlan.

Prophecy has guided my life.

Prophecy is what led to the death

Of all those infants in Brennidon.

Prophecy is what is still killing people today,

Both your people, Kahlan, and my people.

The Seeker has controlled me for long enough.

My father never loved me

Because he loved the Seeker more.

I gave my soul to the Keeper

In order to protect myself against the Seeker.

Everything that I have done in my life

Has something to do with the Seeker.

The Seeker has guided my life.

The Seeker has controlled my life.

Now the Seeker is at my mercy.

You have helped the Seeker

To fight against me, Kahlan.

You have helped the Seeker

To keep victory away from me.

You have both caused me a lot of pain.

Now I have both of you in my grasp.

After all the pain that you and the Seeker

Has caused me, Kahlan,

I can think of nothing better

Than giving pain back to both of you.

Justice will be served.

Prophecy named the Seeker my destroyer,But now I will be his destroyer.

He loves you, Kahlan,

A woman that he cannot be with,

Because your power would destroy him.

The Seeker has a great weakness.

You are that great weakness, Kahlan.

I couldn't be happier than I am now.

The Seeker has brought me down for so long.

Now I have the chance to finally bring him down,

And it's all thanks to you, Kahlan, my dear.

I really couldn't be happier than I am now.

Then, you spoke, Kahlan.

Words have long ago seized to wound me,

But that's only because the right words

Had not been spoken in my face

For a long time.

You changed everything, Kahlan.

No wonder the Seeker is so obsessed with you.

How could someone not be obsessed

With a woman who has the ability

To wound a man as empty as I am?

The right words, Kahlan, my love,

Wounds a person deeper

Than any physical wound.

Physical scars eventually fade,

But the emotional scars

Linger for a lifetime.

I still bear the emotional scar

That my father left inside me

When he bragged to me

About how the Seeker would one day kill me.

I have long ago hardened myself against humanity.

I learned quickly

That I could only depend on myself.

My own father betrayed me

When he ensured the birth of the Seeker, my destroyer.

My own father abandoned me.

If he had really loved me,

He would have tried to help me,

But no,

He decided that the only way to deal with the problem

Was to get rid of it.

He decided to get rid of me

By siring a bastard son, your precious Seeker, Kahlan.

Now, my own baby brother seeks to kill me.

I clearly cannot place any trust or hope

In my own family.

Families should be there for each other.

Families should care about each other.

For me, though, family is a curse.

Family has taught me the value of coldness.

I am hard and cold because I have to be, Kahlan.

I cannot afford to be soft.

I have to look after my own well-being

Because no one else is going to do that for me.

Sacrifices must sometimes be made.

Why should I allow myself to be a sacrifice?

Am I supposed to just accept prophecy?

I must do what is necessary to stop prophecy, Kahlan,

And I cannot afford to be weak.

There are times when I must forget mercy,

When I must forget pity.

I wish it could be otherwise, Kahlan,

But then my life would be forfeited.

I am not such a fool, my dear Kahlan,

To expect any mercy or pity from you.

I am not such a fool

To expect any mercy or pity from anyone,

Especially the Seeker.

I am only giving people

What they would give to me

If they had the chance to act against me.

Don't get me wrong, though, my dear Kahlan.

I am capable of mercy and pity.

If I do not have to kill, I won't.

I am willing to spare the life of the Seeker, my destroyer.

I am willing to spare the life of you, Kahlan,

You who desire to help the Seeker

In his quest to destroy me.

You are both under my control, Kahlan.

I can now afford to be merciful.

There are times

Where I can be an extremely patient man, Kahlan.

I consider myself skilled

At keeping my anger and my other emotions

Stored up inside me,

But there are times

When I can't be kept contained.

I am human, after all,

Even though you clearly don't believe that, Kahlan,

And humans occasionally

Do have to release

Their frustration and their desperation.

How hard can it possibly be

To find one old wizard carrying a box?

Apparently it's more difficult

Than I first thought.

I will confess, Kahlan,

I am capable of great patience,

But I am also capable of great impatience.

There are times when setbacks

Annoy and anger me.

Your precious Seeker, my dear Kahlan,

Is definitely an annoying setback to my plans.

All I want is the three Boxes of Orden,

So that I can bring peace and harmony to the world.

You believe that I enjoy death and destruction, Kahlan.

You have been misled, deceived.

Yes, we are at war,

And many sacrifices are made in a war,

And yes, I don't allow those sacrifices

To bother my conscience;

But I don't like war anymore than you do, Kahlan.

War is difficult and exhausting for everyone who is involved.

Don't you want this war to end, Kahlan?

Has it not gone on long enough?

I know that you desire peace, Kahlan.

So do I.

I will confess that my methods to achieve peace

Are sometimes not pleasant,

But when is war ever pleasant?

I do what is necessary to achieve my goals, Kahlan,

No more, no less.

I honestly don't torture and kill just for the fun of it,

Even though you probably won't believe that.

There is a purpose behind everything I do.

Some people are just too narrow-minded to see that purpose.

They are too consumed by what is happening in the present

To see the possibilities of the future.

There will come a time when the bloodshed will end,

But for now I kill as necessary.

You are the same way, my dear.

You have killed many of my man

In the name of peace.

Don't you see, Kahlan?

We are both killing for peace,

But all the misery can end

As soon as I have control.

No doubt you believe, Kahlan,

That I will be cruel when I have ultimate power.

You have, after all,

Been taught to see me as an evil tyrant.

You have been taught wrong.

You have been taught to view the world

In a narrow-minded way.

You accuse me of killing innocents,

But don't you know that your precious Resistance

Has killed innocents as well?

Yes, that's true, Kahlan,

Innocent D'harans have been killed.

Then again, that probably doesn't matter to you.

They are, after all, D'harans,

And you fighting against D'hara.

I am tired of this war,

As I know you must be as well, Kahlan,

But it can all end as soon as I have ultimate control.

Since I can't have the power of Orden,

I will take the power of Confession.

It's always important to have a backup plan.

As soon as I have control over the people, Kahlan,

There will no longer be any reason to kill them.

I don't need to kill what I can control

Because control means no more threat.

When there is no more threat, war can end,

And the end to this war is something we both seek, Kahlan.

I don't understand why you are so angry at me, Kahlan.

I desire control over the people,

But isn't your touch of love a method of control?

You accuse me of being a tyrant, Kahlan,

But I say that you are a tyrant as well.

Under a tyrant, people have no freewill.

A person loses his freewill when they are Confessed.

Yet, you would call me the "evil" one, Kahlan.

How am I any worse than you?

Confessors seek the truth,

But sometimes they do Confess innocent people.

You accuse me of destroying innocent people, Kahlan,

But you have done the same thing.

Honestly, how am I any worse than you?

We are more similar than you think, Kahlan.

You are not listening to the words that I am saying, Kahlan.

Your eyes, glaring at me, are filled with hate.

I should be the one hating you, Kahlan.

You told me that no one will ever love me.

You spat those words at me with venom.

Then again, I am your "enemy,"

And no doubt you would happy

If you knew just how deeply

You have wounded me.

But I am not angry at you, Kahlan.

I can sense the pain that you feel

Because you cannot be with the man

That you love.

You should be happy

That I want to take your powers after from you, Kahlan.

Once you are a normal woman,

You can be with the Seeker without any fear.

You will finally be able to truly understand love.

Why shouldn't I be the one to bear your powers, Kahlan?

You want to share your love with the Seeker,

And apparently I'm incapable of ever experiencing love,

So it makes perfect sense for me to become a Confessor

By lifting that burden away from you.

I'm indifferent to pain,

For pain is merely a part of life.

I myself am no stranger to pain,

But for some strange reason,

I can't be completely indifferent

To your cries of pain, Kahlan.

You have made me realize

That I've been missing something in life,

Love, a simple word

But a confusing, mysterious concept.

As soon as I have the power of Confessor,

I can finally take back control.

Once the Seeker is my slave,

I will finally be able to live in peace.

He will no longer haunt me in my sleep.

He will no longer haunt me

Every time I open up my eyes.

I seek freedom from the threat

That the Seeker represents.

With the power of Confession,

I will be free at last from prophecy.

I want nothing more than to be free from prophecy,

And I will do what is necessary to achieve that,

No more, no less.

It would appear that I spoke the wrong words,

But I suppose it makes sense.

You despise me deeply, Kahlan,

And there's no way

That you would ever want the man that you love

Being under my control.

You make slaves of people, Kahlan,

But you would say those people deserved their fate

Because they are "evil."

You see the Seeker as "good,"

So you definitely don't think

That he deserves to be a slave to anyone,

Especially someone like me.

Why can't you see, Kahlan,

That I'm trying to be merciful to both of you?

As soon as the Seeker is my slave,

He can no longer harm me,

Which also means

That I no longer will have to harm him.

There can finally be peace between us,

But no, Kahlan, I understand now,

You are so blinded by your love for the Seeker

That you will always perceive me

As a threat against him.

I felt deep fear

The night I learned that the Seeker still lived,

But that fear paled in comparison

To the fear that you inspired in me, Kahlan, my love,

I have never before seen such passion.

My Mord-Sith are soulless,

But they lack your rage, Kahlan, my love.

Your bloodlust rage was awakened

By overwhelming, powerful love.

Love truly is a powerful weapon,

Especially when combined with deep hate.

Love and hate are total opposites,

And they usually balance each other out;

But you, Kahlan, my love, have just created an unbalance.

Love and hate are not meant to exist together.

Yet I cannot deny

The deep awe that I felt towards you, Kahlan, my love,

Even when I was fighting for my life because of you.

It has been a long time since I've had to fight so hard,

And it's all because of you, Kahlan, my love.

You have awakened something inside me,

My fierce lioness,

Something that I do not understand,

Something that I have been missing

For my whole life,

Something that is more valuable

Than anything else in existence,

Something that will fill

What has been empty and seemingly nonexistence

For so long, too long.

I have never desired love before,

As I have always perceived it as a weakness,

But now I want your love, Kahlan, my lioness,

For you have shown me

That love can create a drastic explosion.

I want you to love me, Kahlan, my beast,

As deeply as you love the Seeker.

I want to see your passion, Kahlan, my love,

Every morning, every afternoon, every night.

Your passion has awakened me.

Your passion has created great desire inside me.

You have made me realize, Kahlan, my love,

That my life is not complete

Without someone for me to love,

Without someone to love me in return.

I have never before

Desired to share my heart with another,

But your passion, Kahlan, my love,

Has aroused me like I've never been aroused before.

The power of love and hate combined

Is both terrifying and fascinating.

I have never before seen a sight

As deadly and as wonderful

As the sight of a Confessor under the Con Dar,

The Blood Rage.

I will see you again, Kahlan, my love.

You have sparked something inside me

That can never be extinguished.

I understand hate plenty,

But love is a mystery to me.

You have the power

To bring me into the light, Kahlan, my love,

Far away from my constant darkness.

I just know

That we will accomplish

Many great things together.

Like love and hate,

Light and darkness are total opposites.

When they are fighting against each other,

They create an unbalance,

But that balance will be restored

As soon as light and darkness

Are finally combined

In overwhelming, powerful, passionate love.


End file.
